What is Love?

what is love
A 43 Pg Personalized Book I Made for Him

What is love? – Let’s talk!

So, What is love? Everyone has their own version of what love is. I will admit that in my younger years I found myself in love more than just a couple of times. But it took until I was 32 years old to really come to know what love is, at least from my perspective. Even with my Ex-husband, it was not love. I believed with my whole heart at the time that it was, but learned later I was just in love with what I wanted us to be.

When I was 32 I met my current partner and believe what you will, it was love at first sight. I knew the minute I laid eyes on him that this was it. And the more my love and I grew with him, the more I understood what love was not. Some of the simple things are what made me fall in love. To name a few… His smile of course. The way he talks…( he has an accent) And this one time he came to visit ( we started in a LDR for a year) he got down on his knees and sang me a song in Spanish then put it on for me on YouTube, and translated it for me. It was the most beautiful, way out of tune, sweet song I’d ever heard. I watch him sometimes when he’s asleep and my belly gets those butterfly feelings just because of the way his chest moves up and down. I see that he is only a man, just a human man, but knowing he can be just a human man and make me feel as strong as I do…ahhh!

But those are just the physical things you can easily chalk up to lust like feelings. What is love? The part of me that tells me that what I feel for him is the real deal is this: Like every relationship we have our ups and downs. Sometimes we have little arguments. And when we fight he gets quiet and will ignore me, sometimes for a day or two. I am a very emotional and often self-conscious person, by nature. Most of the time when something is not going my way, any given situation, if someone is mad at me I will sit and stew and think of absolutely EVERY horrible scenario you could think of, and believe it is going to be the outcome of my dilemma. Usually isn’t but I can’t help but still think that way. So in times when he ignores me for a day or two, I always concoct a scenario of him actually leaving. Permanently. And when I do I think to myself… If that is what he needs to do to be happy, I will let him go without a fight.

You might be thinking to yourself that I am nuts. Why would I let someone go when I know that my world would crumble without him? When the very thought of being away from him forever, literally makes me hyperventilate? Simple. Because I love him that much. Why would I force him to stay in an environment where he is unhappy and with a woman he is unhappy with. I would cut him loose and let him find the love and life I feel he deserves.

So what is love? To me, Love is the ultimate sacrifice. To care about someone so much that you are willing to allow yourself to hurt if that is what it takes for them to find happiness. If I had to see him with another woman, walking down the street one day… I won’t say that a piece of me wouldn’t die, but I would smile and I would be content with that because I would know he found happiness.
If you love someone to the point that you feel you could never let them go, even if it meant that they had to live miserable the rest of their lives, well… then cripple them, so they can’t get away! Lol ( just kidding )


Update: We did break up after 9.5 years, and countless women he cheated on me with, in my apartment complex. He ended up moving in with one of them, directly across from my building. And just as I said, I never once in 6 months of watching him flaunt her around in my face, go knocking on that door, or say anything to him.  Though he had a lot of horrible things to  yell at me, in front of a lot of people. I let him go and never looked back. I wasn’t quite content, I’ll admit. It hurt in ways I never thought possible,  but I never tried to get him back. And today, 2 years later, I am glad I didn’t. I am moving forward and becoming a better version of myself, single, with a new job and schooling to advance through my company to Network Engineer. I wish him well.


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