Hello! I was wondering if you have ever experienced my issue in your dating time…
I have a history of dating men who are controlling, abusive, addicts, or some other type of issue. I was ready to give up but met a guy who is genuinely nice. I don’t know how to even react to being treated well!
I love it but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am also a single mom, work full-time and go to school full-time. I don’t really have time to put into a relationship. I have been seeing this guy for a few months, but I am just not ‘feeling’ it. which is so weird because he is really nice and genuine! I feel like I can’t give him the time he deserves. I also feel like I can’t reciprocate in the relationship for some reason, other than time.
it’s almost like I feel like something is wrong, but have no idea what it could be. I am wondering if it’s my past relationships that are making me feel paranoid, or maybe I just have so little time that I just really don’t give a damn. Or perhaps my instincts have been fine-tuned, and something really is off but I am not seeing it yet.
anyway, it is a weird place to be. Have you ever been too busy to be in a relationship even when the guy is seemingly perfect and has great potential to be a great mate?
I feel foolish!
Yes, I have experienced this as well. In my experience though, it was more a matter of the last line in your first paragraph, “I don’t know how to even react to being treated well.” You are used to being used and abused and have been accustomed to that type of guy. In your subconscious, you have programmed yourself to believe it is all you are worth and deserve. But because of that, I would still keep a little bit of a guard up to be sure that other shoe doesn’t drop. However, if you think back to those toxic men, and relationships, chances are that the shoe dropped within the first few months. Even if you weren’t aware that it was dropping. With addicts, they are impulsive and usually are only in a relationship that is serving a need, like helping to obtain drug money or a relationship with a woman who was willing to take the sideline to their drug use and giving them the space they needed when they blew her off for drugs and using. With abusive men, they were charming and the courting period was relatively short, enabling them to start the abuse by reeling them in, isolating them, breaking them down emotionally and gaining full control. Within six months they have their women and the physical abuse starts. So you can probably give it another couple of months and safely say that the guy is really not such a bad guy after all, and if you have any kind of attraction to him whatsoever, determine if you want to continue with the realization in mind, that it is you who needs to do some work, not him. If he is, in fact, a nice guy, who wants to spend time building something with you, he will understand that you have a busy schedule, that it is all because you are heading in the right direction and he will accommodate this with a positive attitude.
You have to keep telling yourself, that you are worth more than the relationships you’re accustomed to, so is your child, and that regardless of the man, his type, or intention, if he is unwilling to put himself on the back burner while you continue to better your life for yourself, your child and possibly him, then he is not what you’re looking for at this time. Sometimes just because a guy is nice doesn’t mean we have any type of romantic chance with him, and you may be trying to force yourself into a relationship, simply because he is a nice guy and your starting to feel your self worth improving because of the path you’re heading down. Which is not a bad thing, I mean kudos to you! you’re doin the damn thing! Take a look deep inside yourself, evaluate how you feel about yourself, be honest, and then think about how you honestly feel about him. Is this avoidance or genuine disinterest? He won’t be the last man in your life if you choose to move on and finish building your life before making any commitments.
But you also have to take him, and his time as well as feelings into account. You have already been involved for a few months, and time develops feeling. If he isn’t the right one for you, let him move on and find the right one for him.
Good luck with the relationship, building your life for you and your child, and with building your self-worth, and esteem to know that you deserve more than what you’re accustomed to in past relationships!Tags: dysfunctional men in the past, nice guys, single mother dating, woman's worth